Reflections
by Evanjeline
Summary: looking back brings thoughts of sorrow and regret. ?*slash*?
1. Water falls like my dreams

Reflections  
  
By: Evanjeline  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Summary: Love=regrets. Regrets lead to memories of the past. *slash*  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters used or refered to in this fic belong to me. Sorry.  
  
Feedback: Please leave reviews. I suck at this and need as much help as I can get. *smiles*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
As I sit here,  
Listening to the water cascading through the air.  
Watching the water ripple as it breaks the surface.  
Daring to disturb the calm that hides such termoil.  
  
I wonder...  
What could have happened?  
No...  
What would have happened if I had just asked.  
If I would have thrown away my doubts, my petty fears.  
  
Instead, I stood there.  
I acted as if I didn't even see you.  
Then later, when the opportunity arose, I snubbed you.  
I just insulted you and walked away.  
  
Oh, how I wanted to hold you, to comfort you.  
Probably because I alone saw how completely devastated you were.  
The subtle changes in your eyes, in your stance.  
In the way your bottom lip lightly parted with a slight quiver.  
The inaudible question on those lips:  
Why?  
Your whole body screamed to me:  
WAIT, turn around, PLEASE.  
  
But I couldn't, I wouldn't.  
And now, I think myself the fool.  
  
With everything you did I saw a second meaning.  
One was of a boy crowded into submission by his parents,  
too cold to touch.  
The other desperately searching for the approval of others.  
  
I should have known.  
I could read you almost as easily as others read what you chose to show them...  
your mask...  
always that of who they thought you should be.  
  
The water has stopped falling now.  
I look down and stare blankly at my reflection.  
I should have given you a chance.  
I should have tried.  
  
The water ripples,  
and as it clears I focus on my reflection.  
This time taking note of the silver eyes,  
the blond hair,  
and the tear stain on my right cheek.  
  
My hand involuntarily moves toward the reflection  
to touch his cheek,  
to wipe away the tears,  
to touch those lips...  
  
But the water ripples,  
and the spell is broken.  
  
Instead,  
I wipe the tear from my face,  
and get into the bath. 


	2. Sounds like a memory

Reflections  
  
This is a story for Cai.  
She is the reason I have started "writing" fan fics.  
  
And thank you Mori,  
for helping me be more than a little fan girl. *smiles*  
  
See first chapter for disclaimer.  
  
I love to hear what people think so please leave reviews.  
~*~*~*~*~  
I wake up to raised voices, arguing, shouting.  
High pitched screeches and low rumbling  
filled with disdain, contempt, and hate.  
  
I used to think I heard that from you,  
then again...   
  
Everything nowadays reminds me of you.  
Everything...  
  
I used to wonder what kept me from breaking down under your gaze.  
Your torrent of hate filled words.  
  
I guess, inside, I always knew it was a front.  
  
As the figureheads of our respected, rivaled groups. We were supposed to be the leaders,  
  
supposed to...   
  
expected to harbor and contain the condensed hate and disdain of our groups.  
  
It was all an act.  
  
An act I wouldn't let you let go.  
I wouldn't listen to what I felt from you.  
I convinced myself that it was all imagined,  
all in my head...  
  
I pretended I couldn't hear your pleas for it all to stop.  
I guess I wouldn't have known what to do if it ever stopped.  
  
It was predictable, it was normal.  
  
This way I could hate you.  
  
You were you and I was me.  
  
I was afraid those thoughts were all in my head.  
I wouldn't let go.  
I couldn't.  
  
I had my fantasies,  
but how could I have ever known that they could have been real?  
Could have come true?  
  
You were always the same.  
SO WAS I.  
  
We fought,  
we hurt,  
we devastated each other in an attempt to keep our lives normal.  
  
But...  
you would have given it all up for me,  
wouldn't you?  
  
You would have stopped it all,  
lost everything you had.  
  
If I had only given you a chance.  
The slightest hint that I knew what you wanted,  
  
and maybe...  
  
that I wanted it too.  
  
But I couldn't.  
What if I was wrong,  
what if it was all in my head,  
what if you didn't really care about me,  
what if... I broke?   
  
Silence.  
  
...  
  
It's silent.  
  
They are now as still as my heart.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ack. Ok, so please tell me the truth. How was that?  
  
I don't know if it's done well or not...  
  
and please believe me when I say that there is a point to all of this...  
  
I think?... *smiles*  
  
Anyway yes, I'm a psycopath and probably have no right writing fan fic.  
  
But please leave reviews. I like to learn from my mistakes and part of that includes you telling me what I've done wrong. I don't care if you think you're being cruel or harsh as long as it's truthful and "constructive" criticism, instead of an I hate you review. *smiles wanly* Love to all. ~*Evanjeline*~ 


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